Trains Go By

The other night I watched a train go by, underneath the moon sliced like an orange. It had hundreds upon hundreds of cars attached to it, like a giant caterpillar of a beast, chugging away into the deep of the night. The ocean glistened all around me like the stars fell into the water. The wind found its way into the crevices of my blanket, and Karen's laughter resounded into the still of the night. It was such a beautiful moment despite the cold.

Especially the train. For some reason it took hold of my heart and made me think of the year. Each car that passed reminded me of an instant within the 12 months of this year... I saw the smiles and tears I've endured. Most of the time I don't have time to reflect, except a few spare seconds of a day. But I need more than that. I'm not used to this, not looking within myself. I miss having constant validation of my actions, it makes me feel more secure. But as I walk alone with my two wobbly feet, I realize just that. I only have my two wobbly feet, and my knobby knees to get my by.

I wans't sure where that train was going, maybe somewhere far away, perhaps it was stopping nearby... it looked so content and strong carrying all that weight. I wish I had the heart of a train and was sure of my destination, silent and vindictive.

I'm more unsure of where I'm going now than ever, I gaze up at the stars not looking for hope or wishes, but... well I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly... maybe a sign from a higher celestial being, some sort of clue as to what I'm supposed to do in this world.

All I know is, this year's ending, and the ringing of the new year will hopefully drown out the mistakes I've made in the form of alcohol. But my biggest fear is, that they are permanent marks on my heart that cannot be erased.

As the last car on the train passed us by, I wished to run and jump on it... maybe then, it would take me where I needed to go.